I watched some of the Baftas last night. Not in an “interested
in the Baftas” sort of way as I am immune to that type of celebratory circle
jerk, but more in the “wife heard George Clooney had a beard and wanted to
watch it and also had the remote control” sort of way. And I, being wedged and
cemented into the sofa, was forced to watch some of it. FORCED. So anyway, I asked
my wife what the deal was about beards. “Oh,” she said. “Some men look good
with beards and some don’t…but you look lovely with no beard…ahem.” As it
happens, quite a few leading men had beards at the Baftas and suddenly I realised
that having a beard is now a cool thing and once again, I am behind the curve.
I want a beard. But I can’t be arsed to grow one. They are itchy, require more
fussing than properly shaving to make them look neat and tidy, and make you look
old. But apparently ‘bitches dig beards’. Looking at some random twitter
profiles (and mentioning no handles) it seemed that this was confirmed by the
number of beard fanciers there were out there.
I used to have a beard. A few years ago. But after about two
months I just got bored of it. The novelty wore off. And when you have a beard
you seem to run into mostly people that are disapproving of beards. I have yet
to think of an appropriate name for the law for that particular phenomenon. Of
course, beards are very natural and I am surprised that there aren’t more in
the wild. Looking around my office there is one guy who kind of has a beard but
it is not quite there. The rest of the men polled (and one unfortunate women
who is capable) have never even had beards! In their entire life! When I don’t
have to go to work (so either weekends or holiday) then I never shave and I get
a heavy stubble thing going on which my wife loathes and badgers me to shave it
off but what if I went the whole hog and just kept going AND NEVER STOPPED GROWING?
Watch this hairy space.
No, not that one.
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